Parenting Teens: 5 Safeguarding Tips
Having a child heading into their teenage years can be an exciting time, yet often a scary prospect as they seek independence and develop into young adults in an ever-changing world. Whether you’re a parent or a carer to teenagers, you will encounter many situations that current teenagers will need guidance on; for example, online influence, comparison, mental health issues, alcohol and drugs, sexuality, orientation and gender, etc. Sometimes you might even find out that your child is being bullied, harmed or abused in some way. Having an existing, healthy parent-teen relationship is imperative to safeguarding the wellbeing and safety of your teenager.
Understanding that EVERY teenager is unique, what follows are five safeguarding tips for parenting teenagers.
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Be their trusted adult: This is first on the list because this is where you need to start. Being someone who a teenager wants to talk to, can trust and respect is crucial. While this is true, don’t be offended if they choose to reach out to another trusted adult—this is also normal and healthy. The priority is making sure your teen has someone with the wisdom and life experience to give measured, good advice. Teens who lack this can often be misguided by their peers or other outside influences like the internet. Teenagers appreciate adults who don’t overreact, listen well, and KNOW them. Trusted adults need to regularly communicate to teens that they are strong enough to hear anything difficult and will always have their back. Your teenager will be watching you so they will likely trust you more if you are a good role model.
Action: Ask your teenager who their trusted adult is and whether they would share something difficult with you as the parent. If not, why?
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Start conversations and listen: Proactively and regularly talk to your teen. What do they like doing and why? Who are their friends? Talk about awkward or difficult subjects because if not, your teen will likely turn to the internet for answers. Start “What if?” conversations about different topics such as “What if you were given drugs?” “What if you were sent a sexual message?” “What if you knew about someone being harmed or abused?” LISTEN well and thank your teenager for sharing with you. Being genuinely interested places you in a better position to be a trusted adult and lets teens know that they can come to you with any problem and that there are no taboo subjects. Regular “What if?” conversations will also encourage your teenager to think critically about problems they face, ideas they encounter, or even understand what fake news is and bring YOU, the trusted adult, into that conversation. Remember, too, that these conversations are often best had in the context of entering into your teen’s world—doing something with them that they enjoy.
Action: Try asking one “What if?” question a day for a week and see how your teenager responds. Praise your teenager for good responses and avoid jumping in to give your opinion quickly.
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KNOW your teenager: Research the things your teenager in your life is interested in for yourself. Knowing your teens, and their friends, and trying to understand them better will improve connection and mutual respect. As the parent, research the safeguarding risks associated with any activity they enjoy, such as online gaming, the sports and extracurriculars they are involved in, and the places they like to hang out. Ensure you raise awareness with your teenager and empower them to know what to do if they encounter danger. Do you have a regular rhythm or schedule of time that you spend with your teenager that suits their schedule as well as yours? Changing your schedule or reducing your work time and giving quality and quantity time to your teenager is crucial.
Action: Do you have a regular rhythm or schedule of time that you spend with your teenager that suits their schedule as well as yours? Schedule a day with your teenager doing the things they enjoy doing even if that makes you feel awkward or embarrassed!
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Be the Parent: When your child becomes a teen, YOU are still their parent and are responsible for their safety and well being. Having healthy boundaries is imperative, but why not involve your teen in discussing what some of these could be? It is healthy and good at this stage of life to begin to include them in decisions about boundaries, privileges, and new freedoms. This leads them to feel valued and promotes buy-in. These boundaries could include their smart phone, social life, or general family expectations or rules. Speaking of boundaries, it’s important to be informed about the alarming effect smart phones can have on teenagers. Many studies are now showing the huge impact a smartphone can have on a teenager’s mental health and the safeguarding dangers it can create, such as bullying, sexual harassment or online grooming. Stay attuned to what your teenager is doing online or on their smartphone and check their accounts on occasion.
Action: Talk to your teen about your family’s boundaries and rules and whether they understand and agree with them. Start a conversation and enable them to be part of the solution, but do remember YOU are the parent who is responsible for safeguarding your teenager.
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Know the signs and get support: Has your teenager suddenly become closed off or secretive? Have they changed in some concerning way? Are they avoiding being home or alternatively staying in their room all the time? Do they seem withdrawn, fearful or sad? If you are worried about your teenager don’t wait but respond immediately. Feel free to reach out to us at safeguarding@teachbeyond.org for any safeguarding concerns. We are always available to support and respond. We also would be happy to talk about how to reduce the risk of harm in your context – preventative strategies are better than dealing with the aftermath of harm. Alternatively, speak to the teen’s safeguarding lead or counselor at school as they are often practiced in dealing with many of these issues.
So, these are our Parenting Teens - 5 Safeguarding Tips. Try these tips out and tell us how it goes! Remember regular communication with teens to encourage openness and learning while they are learning to navigate life is best. We commit to praying for you to be filled with wisdom, given by God, as you teach and/or raise your teenagers and act as their role models. If you have any questions, please do let us know at safeguarding@teachbeyond.org.
Additional Resources:
Biblical Teen Parenting Resources | Axis
Do Your Kids Need Quantity or Quality Time? - Marshfield First
Best Way to Talk to Teens About Difficult Subjects | Middle Earth
11 tips for communicating with your teen | UNICEF Parenting
12 ways to protect your teen without hovering
7 Ways to Get Teenagers to Actually Listen to You | Psychology Today